MARTYRS

The ultra-graphically portrayed nonstop torture, beating, flaying and mutilation of young women and children makes MARTYRS of the audience in this nearly unwatchable, pretentious, morally bankrupt French obscenity. Operating under a veneer of specious philosophizing, its high-flown talk of transcendence through pain can't mask its repulsiveness on every level. Pascal Laugier, you're no Michael Haneke. — Jeff Schultz
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LAND OF THE LOST

It's tempting to say this LAND is LOST, but that's not the case. This is a strange funny hit or miss flick that was marketed completely wrong. It is not a kids movie. It's a flick that's aimed at those of us who grew up on the show, and it's loaded with lots of in jokes. Nostalgic yet cynical, campy and silly, this one occasionally felt like it was heading off the rails but got back on track. Bottom line: this LAND is my land, may not be everyone's LAND. — Stormy Curry
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MOON

Fly me to the MOON and let me play among the stars: Sam Rockwell… and Sam Rockwell. This sci-fi mystery — which could have been titled Tears of a Clone — has a measured pace and effects that serve the story instead of thrill-ride dazzleblasts. It's a thinking moviegoer's Outland, with a big tip of the space helmet to Hal 9000. An impressive feature debut for director Duncan Jones. — Jeff Schultz
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PAPER HEART

What is love? How do you know when you're in it, out of it? Does the heart know more than the head? All thsee questions are asked & left unanswered in PAPER HEART. But you don't care, because Charlyne Yi is so innocent, clueless & funny. Not quite a documentary. Nor is it a comedy. It's just 90 minutes of fun. — Alan Yudman
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NURSE JACKIE

NURSE JACKIE wants to be an edgy, comic look at what caregivers endure, but refuses to take its own dramatic Viagra and ends up going soft. If the show succeeds, it'll be on the uniformed shoulders of Edie Falco, who, in the pilot at least, straddles a fine line between heroic and grating. — Jeff Schultz
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NURSE JACKIE is soft. Flaccid. It’s humorous rather than funny. Not especially dramatic either. The big “reveal” is an affair. GASP. The show doesn’t need VIagra or Cialis. The audience needs amphetamines to stay awake! — Alan Yudman

WATCHMEN

If you WATCH-MEN expecting your typical comic book movie you will be disappointed. This flick touches on everything from religion to philosophy and goes deeper than most “regular” movies. Fascinating and thought provoking, it's easy to see why many hated it. We couldn't take our eyes off it and would WATCH it again in a heartbeat. Far from perfect and not for everyone…but we dug it. — Stormy Curry
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UP

Pixar continues to go UP! This sweet movie shows how human animated movies can really be. A touching opening sets up a great adventure. This darn near a perfect film. See it in 3D if you can. The effect adds to the story & doesn't intrude at all. Equal amounts of humor & drama. Lucas could learn lot from UP! — Alan Yudman

Should 80 percent of an animated movie consist of talky, static scenes that could just have well have been shot conventionally, with actors? Does the lack of a strong story or narrative line give the viewer no reason to care what happens next? These are the questions I was asking myself — until I got UP and walked out. — Jeff Schultz

DANCE FLICK

When even David Alan Grier and Chris Elliot are bad, when so many of the movie and pop culture references are stale, when every one of the gay-sissy jokes wouldve seemed tired in 1970, when you can see the punch line of each joke coming two miles away, when sight gags are in complete disconnect with the plot, and when less than 90 minutes seems like an eternity — then you've got a DANCE FLICK my friends. — Jeff Schultz
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