As mechanical as an artificial heart, as predictable as SoCal weather,
as forced as the Bataan march, as unfunny as a mass layoff,
VALENTINE'S DAY wastes talent like a canary wastes seed. Ashton
Kutcher and Taylor Swift give it a go, but the rest of the something-
for-everyone cast is barely there. This isn't a movie, it's a business
deal. — Jeff Schultz

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