Maybe it was no accident that RED 2 came out the same week Twinkies were put back on supermarket shelves. Both are full of empty calories and will be here long after their intended shelf life. RED was a fun and funny action comedy. RED 2 has lots of action, but the comedy will elicit more of a chuckle than a guffaw. Sometimes not even chuckle-worthy. This movie opens with Bruce Willis in Costco with his girlfriend Mary-Louise Parker. Another metaphor for how boring RED 2 is? Probably unintended. Willis seems content in retirement, until John Malkovich surprises him and tells him that someone is targeting the both of them. Parker seems bored with the retired life and Willis is overprotective. Their relationship leaves everyone wondering why he is so intent on protecting her, because she clearly has some skills. I’d go into more detail, but its all quite dull. Anthony Hopkins is supposed to be a crazy sociopathic maniac, but never really rises to that level. Willis, Malkovich, Parker and Helen Mirren seem to be sleepwalking through the whole exercise. Catherine Zeta-Jones apparently would rather be home with Michael Douglas, because she totally mails this one in. The stunts are well done, but even those are boringly efficient. In RED, there was a cool shot of a car spinning and Willis emerging from it with guns blazing. In RED 2 there are several spinning cars. It seems like the studio liked this and said, “give me more spinning cars!” The only things left spinning were my eyes and my head. The studio should have left well enough alone. Just because a movie is a hit, doesn’t mean there should be a sequel. And if there is one, try to at least get the cast interested in reprising their roles. RED 2 should have been fun. No one seems to be having fun, especially the audience. — Alan Yudman

Stormy Curry