Take 1 cup of THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE, a 1/2 cup of THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS, 2 tbsp of WOLF CREEK, (plus another tbsp of WOLF CREEK 2, optional), a generous dash of Tod Browning’s FREAKS, a soupçon of FEED, and any amount you like of any of the other horror movies from which Kevin Smith derived this thin, adolescent piece of meh. On the upside, grand old Michael Parks and an almost unrecognizable Johnny Depp are fully committed and quite wonderful as the psycho and the ex-detective tracking him down; their sole scene together has the tension and crackle of two actors seizing their one chance to go balls out. Otherwise, Parks and Depp have to play opposite a meant-to-be-obnoxious-but-ultimately-just-annoying Justin Long and some nobody named Genesis Rodriguez. (Credit, though, to Haley Joel Osment for taking a nothing part and at least making a welcome — actually, a welcome-back — impression.) To me, the most shocking thing in the movie was my reaction at the end: “That’s it ???” The story starts at Point A, ends at Point B and never takes a turn or a twist to complicate matters or give them any heft. The gore is minimal and indifferently shot (especially the final death battle). The “walrus” makeup? Pretty much a guy in a rubber suit. TUSK is a husk. — Jeff Schultz

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