THE APPARITION

The bleakness of Palmdale (openly alluded to) is by far the scariest thing in this movie, whose generic, who-cares-what-we-call-it title is perhaps the best clue to what a hollow nothing it is. Glacial, boring and badly acted, it seems like twice its 82-minute running time, maybe because almost all of it features only two ill-equipped actors: Sebastian Stan, a low-rent Chris Pine, and Ashley Greene, best known previously as one of TWILIGHT’s vampiric Cullens. There’s nothing between them that sparks, nor do we give a damn that they are imperiled. And no wonder: the peril itself is so generic, undefined and shadowy (it’s an apparition, see?) you just want to urge it to get on with its work and hasten the credit roll. Late in the game, Tom Felton shows up, merely leaving you to wonder why he doesn’t change agents. Send this one back to Hell. — Jeff Schultz

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